What to do before the end of the world on Dec. 21.

What to do before the end of the world

Zombie apocalypse, nuclear fallout, economic crisis and hyper inflation (Vote Ron Paul)… you name the event and it is in the media or on the big screen. If you are ever having an awesome day and need a little bring-you-down watch the news or talk to that facebook friend who is a little crazy about doomsday theories, they’ll rain on your parade and give ya a dose of ‘reality’. Inspired by the Mayan Calendar end of the world I thought to myself, ‘what do I NEED to do before that happens?’ Some of these entries will take a lot of work to complete, some are almost done already, and some are just dreams. Without further delay here they are.

·         Get Hitched- June 9. Can’t wait. Along with getting married to the most beautiful woman in the world I get to move out of my parents’ house. Hallelujah!!! Praise Jesus!!! You know, its been a good run, but I figure 28 years is long enough to be living with them.  They will just have to let go and let me move on. I’m sure it will be tough for them to see me move out and stop supporting me financially, but it has to happen. ;)

·         Visit Mexico (Riviera Maya for our Honeymoon) and see what this Mayan thing is all about. I figure I’ll take a look at their calendar and like any good Indiana Jones fan will figure out where the problem is. 

·         Buy a house with my lovely wife.

·         Watch my Detroit Tigers win a World Series. Yes I know it’s a dream and a long shot but thinking this thought makes me happy when the world craps on my day.

·         Visit every Major League Baseball stadium. This one will take some time, and money. I don’t have either of these things.

·         Write a book (Baseball history or fictional teen adventure) ok this will take a long time but its on my bucket list so why not include it in my ‘pre-end-of-the-world list?

·         Find a teaching job!! I spent all this time and money on a degree and now teacher certification, and if the world ends before I get to actually use it I may be a bit upset. Positive spin on this, if the world does end in December at least I wont have to pay back all those student loans!!

·         Have a LOTR marathon… not by myself of course, that would just be sad.

·         Grow my sideburns out and shave them in to the shape of stars. Thank you Community.

·         Play Modern Warfare 3 for 24 hours straight.

Given that the end of the world is only 6 months away I figure I should keep my list rather short. I encourage you to make your own list. Even if don’t think the world is in it’s final stages it is always good to reassess your life and have some fun with the near future. Lastly, enjoy the world while it is still ours and have a great day.

...It's kinda like black licorice.

Well, game 7 of the world series was yesterday. The end of baseball season is always depressing to me because the realization sets in that the warm weather days of the year have sped past and all we are left with is the tail end of the Doppler effect. This season was especially scarring for me. this past season I invested more time to watching baseball than any year prior. My Tigers bowed out in the ALCS to the Rangers, and then the Rangers made some horrible mistakes and managed to let the mediocre-at-best Cardinals run them over in the World Series. I am left sitting on my couch with a bad taste in my mouth... It's kinda like black licorice.

Just like this piece of black licorice is trying to ruin someones impression of a sweet treat. The American League teams in the playoffs decided to forget how to play fundamental baseball and give it up to a team that was more than 8 games out of the playoffs at the beginning of September. With 158 days now until Opening day of the 2012 baseball season, I dream on a nightly basis of a more favorable outcome.
Its now been over a week since the Detroit Tigers were eliminated from the postseason by the Texas Rangers, which in all honesty, if any team was going to I am glad it was them. I really do enjoy their roster and the characters that comprise their team. But to have them then lay a HUGE egg in the world series is kind of upsetting. HOWEVER, I have cried my tears and shook my fist at the sky enough for this year. Next year... yes, next year. we have to believe. sadly, next year I will not be able to devote the countless hours throughout the long summer days, because by them I should probably be a productive member of society and get a job. I guess, with being a Tigers fan I am used to the taste of Black Licorice at the end of the season. I'll just get used to winning the central and having the Yankees postseason number. It could be a lot worse. I could be a Sox fan.

Following my own advice is lethal.

     Earlier this baseball you may have read my blog Apple Pie + Baseball = America where I made the suggestion to all Americans to have a relationship with my favorite sport. Baseball. I followed my own advice and have been following my Detroit Tigers religiously since the first pitch of spring training. every day that I have been home during game time I have had them on TV. If I was driving somewhere during the game I would play the game on the radio. I have laughed, cried, screamed at and celebrated with my boys of summer for 162 games during the regular season, and now even more intensely for 10 games in this playoffs. I have been able to invest more time to the game this year because I don't have a job for one, and second, my cable company included MLB network in our programming package. When I found THAT out, I had a smile on my face for a week straight. countless hours have been spent this season watching replays and checking league standings. This relationship with a game has become an obsession and that is becoming more and more apparent as the Tigers proceed further in to the postseason.
     To set the scene. The Tigers find themselves down 3 games to 1 to the Texas Rangers in the American League Championship Series. Game 5 is tied 2-2 in the bottom of the 6th, and I am trying to distract myself with games on my laptop as best as possible while the game is playing on the TV in the background. scared that if I move from my spot on the couch I will jinx any progress we have made. With the promise of the top of the batting order due up this inning I focus purely on the game. Raburn reaches base ahead of Miguel Cabrera. I find myself on the edge of my seat willing Miggy with every ounce of my being to make something happen... The Baseball gods hear my pleas and Miggy hits a ground ball down the third baseline that HITS THE BASE and bounces over the third baseman's head and trickles out into left field. I find myself on my feet yelling at Ryan Raburn "GO RYAN!! GOOOO!!" and telling myself that if he doesn't score I am gonna break his knee caps. The realization sets in as I notice my mom at the computer just staring at me..... I might have a problem.
     The intent of this baseball season was to believe in something that could be great. It worked. This season has been fantastic. But as my team get closer.... and closer.... AND CLOSER to the end goal I guess I have to ask myself the question, What if?? What if something fantastic happens? What if we fall short of the end goal? WHAT IF??? Well... I don't have an answer for those questions. BUT what matters to me right now is that I don't have to answer EITHER of those questions yet. my boys are still in it to win it. we are still down one game in this series but the air left in this fans lungs are reserved specifically for those late inning rallies, defensive gems, and walk off wins that are yet to come.
     I have heard from a few people this season that I get into the games and let them effect me and my mood. Even my mom has made the observation that I am addicted. Wouldn't you feel an investment after dedicating your free time for over 6 months to something. I may have an emotional attachment to this game, this season that seems unreasonable, but I am still in it and ready for something great to happen. Go Tigers!

Apple Pie + Baseball = America

Call to arms all Americans!!! Your patriotism is in question. Put down your bible and rosary sister Beatrice and pick up a program, the love of your life is about to make your day. Ride your bike down to Fenway little Timmy and try to sneak in to witness what everyone will be talking about tomorrow. Mom and Dad take off your blue collars and make your way back home and cuddle up in front of the TV, radios, or MLB.TV online and let your minds wander through lush green grass, clay and white chalk base paths. It is time for the citizens of this great country to fall in love once again with the greatest game ever created.

Year in and year out the game of baseball makes its presence felt from late February continuing into fall knocking on the winter’s door. The baseball owners’ winter meetings bring hope and anticipation of the impending season. When your favorite team lands a high profile free agent the excitement sets in and makes the memories of a mediocre season just a couple months prior subside.

The iconic voice of James Earl Jones in ‘Field of Dreams’ states, “the one constant throughout the years, has been baseball…”

Baseball is used in patriotic comparisons. If someone does not like the amazing game of Baseball they are basically committing treason and not following there nationalistic duty. Oh yeah, how does Apple pie get lumped into the patriotic equation with Baseball. So it is my understanding that Baseball + Apple Pie= America? Ok, just clarifying. The game of baseball is so entrenched in the American spirit that the U.S. President year after year makes an appearance to throw out first pitch at a baseball game. Think back to the atrocities committed in the 9/11 attacks. Where was President Bush in the following days to put forth the message that he was not intimidated.  He was throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game in NYC.

Although a large % of players in today’s baseball are not originally from here, once they become a member of our favorite team we love them like they are blood brothers. If they start performing above and beyond you better make a constitutional amendment because that man deserves to be president. The game of baseball embodies the American spirit and is truly a melting pot of experience, culture, and hope.

Baseball is our friend. We think so highly of it that we began using the bases to describe how a romantic relationship is progressing. Check it:

                1^st base- Kissing significant other

                2^nd base- Exploring one another through petting

                3^rd base- everything except for sex

                Homerun … well you know ;)

In my experience with relationships where I have had to explain my infatuation… nay, obsession with Baseball. Each instance requires the person to also be a fan, or they have to, withholding judgment, actually see me in action at a game critiquing, rooting, crying, laughing, and helping my team to play better. The following is a typical conversation held between a diehard fan and a newbie:

Me: well… what did you think of the game?

Significant other: I guess I really did not understand that you LOVE baseball… like L-O-V-E baseball.

Me: I told you that I loved this game and everything involved with it. I told you that its an obsession, I warned you.

Significant other: yes I know you said you loved baseball but I didn’t realize it was THAT important to you. I need to reassess things.

Me: reassess?

The closest example I can give you is that scene from ‘Fever Pitch’ where Jimmy Fallon’s character has that same conversation with his girlfriend (Drew Barrymore… horrible actress btw).  

Instead of comparing relationships to Baseball, how about have a relationship with baseball Live and die every game with your team with complete reckless abandon emotionally. You do the same everyday in a relationship with someone who is your soul mate and half the time in the US that ends up in divorce. You don’t have to worry about Baseball not coming home; it just goes south for the offseason to play in winter leagues and then comes back in late February-early March. Just like clockwork. Instead of having a passing interest in America’s game try giving it a chance to be your one and only.

Complete devotion to game rewards you in the end with countless memorable moments throughout the season and stories that you can tell your nieces, nephews, and the children of future generations. This one time I saw a game…  Sadly one cannot reproduce with baseball although an accurate representation of what a human/baseball offspring would look like would be Don Zimmer. ‘The Zim’ is a man who was around the game his whole life and towards the end of his career in the game he even began resembling a baseball. Becoming rounder and rounder as the years progressed. And after being body slammed by Pedro Martinez in a Yanks and Sox bench clearer he was pale white and needed some stitches. I hope they were red.

Q: Who loves baseball?

A: America does! Get on board everybody. It’s a ride you won’t regret. See ya at the game!

Elevator Protocol

I do not consider myself an avid elevator rider. rarely am I in buildings that are even big enough to require an elevator, but recently I just started taking classes at the GVSU downtown Grand Rapids campus and to be quite honest 7 flights of stairs seems a little bit much at 8 in the morning while carrying a backpack so I have taken the elevator. The situation I was faced with today was riding the elevator up a few floors with another student avoiding the dreaded stairs. I got in after him and he asked me what floor I wanted to go to so I said 'floor 7 please and thank you'. now after that you would think that the rest of the work is done by the elevator. but as we are standing there with the floors counting up the urge to strike up a random conversation with him was overwhelming.
what are my obligations as a fellow elevator rider? am I required to stand in awkward silence or do I blurt out "... How about that walk over from the parking garage? quite a trek huh?" and then have the stink eye shot back at me as he grips his gloc in his pocket Thinking that he wishes this superfriendly, and nicely dressed;) older student would shut up and let him spend his 15 second ride up in peace, probably the only peace and quiet he ever gets from the perils of reality. THe dulcid tones of the new age music plays softly and drowns away his morning troubles and I had to ruin it with a social awkwardness. sorry random elevator rider I guess I just dont know what the social expectations are for riding in elevators.
any pointers because I have to spend a lot of time in them over the next year as I continue going to school there?

3 Types of Break-ups

Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, and wife: ever since the times of Adam and Eve men and women have been trying to figure out how to break up with one another. With thousands of years of practice one of the sexes should have figured out a way to break up without causing the anguish, emotional heartache, and suicidal thoughts often associated with unforeseen splits. Actually the thought has crossed my mind that women have really figured it out; but they just choose to continue to torment men with previously unknown attributes called Emotions (E-mo-shuns). Having gone through the heartbreak of a broken engagement, what seems like years ago now, and a relatively lengthy relationship before that, I was forced to look at why I felt the way I did for that person, and if I would be able to feel that way for a person again. Along the mental journey of my inner-being I pondered the best way to breakup with someone with whom you are in a committed relationship, as well as wondering what other types of breakup methods were practiced by fellow sufferers of fledgling relationships.

From experiences and observations of myself, friends’, and colleagues’ relationships, I have come to believe that there are three different kinds of break-ups. There are countless variations within these breakup styles depending on the couple, all of them however, can be traced back to these three basic forms. The Clean Break, The Messy Break, The ‘Call 911 this is about to get ugly’ break. The following will define and give examples of each breakup type, and will lay out some guidelines on ways to avoid the uglier breakup types. That is unless drama is the ultimate goal, then by all means ignore the avoidance techniques.

The Clean Breakup- Is the complete detachment of both parties from one another with minimal heartbreak due to realized differences, or a mutual grasp of a reality that prohibits them from furthering their Relational progression. The split may be mutual or one-sided. The cleanliness of the break is decided not by the heart breaker, but by the breakee. The Breakee is typically entitled to 2-4 weeks of bewilderment and questions of why. Anything beyond a month is spilling over into the range of the Messy Breakup. There are exceptions to this rule of thumb based on the length of the relationship. Couples that were in longer relationships are given a little more leeway and extra time to recover from their break but still nothing more than 6 weeks. That is, as long as they plan on keeping the break clean.

When I was a child and I would fiddle around with changing a bandage on a wound Mom would always say, “Just rip it off quick. It will just hurt more by tugging on it.” Little did I know at the age of 5, my parents were giving me sound relationship advice that would be useful when I was suddenly single again at the age of 26. Just rip it off (the relationship) and move on.  In looking at a personal heartbreak it brings a hurtful realization that any other method to breaking up is just dragging out the necessary, and can be personally scarring in the end.

The clean break is someone saying, ‘This is it. I want nothing to do with you anymore. Please leave my house and take your tears with you.’ or something along these lines. At first you don’t really know what happened, and you may feel like Hulking out, but after a short time of realization it really starts to hurt, and it sinks in, ‘Ouch!! Is that for real?!’ This type of breakup, like any other, hurts like a cannonball to the chest , but it leaves no doubt in the breakee’s mind that the person doing the breaking up with has no desire to continue on in a committed relationship with you. The Clean Breakup is often not expected, and is therefore the easiest to deal with because the breakee is not preparing themselves for the break. They merely have to deal with the aftercare.

The Messy Breakup- One or both parties still clinging to hope that something may be salvaged from the wreckage of a breakup. Often times these breakups take a long time to unfold with one or both parties still claiming to have significant feelings for one another, but not having hopes for their future as a couple. The Messy Breakup gets even messier when the parties involved decide to remain ‘friends’ and try to carry on a friendship with one party misconstruing the term ‘friend’ for the possible reunification of the parties in a glorious romp.

This break can be compared to a cut that gets an infection from the person who suffered the cut picking at it and not allowing it to heal by itself. The initial break feels like the that of the clean break, but the parties involved can make the mistake of making phone calls or writing messages to the heart breaker ‘just to make sure they hadn’t changed their mind’. This is where the infection grows. If the heart breaker responds with sympathy or uncertainty in their initial decision then the infection grows and the breakee starts to find hope where they should not. Sometimes these infections can go away within weeks or months. Other times however, these infections can cling on and turn into gangrene becoming a potentially life threatening condition. The original wound can become infected and fester to the point of loss of limbs or life if the dead weight is not cut free.

The ‘Call 911 this is about to get ugly’ Break- Both parties involved are unsure of how to react in breakup situations causing much emotional distress. In most cases the verbal retaliation to the breakup attempt can be heard by their neighbors through the paper thin walls of their rundown apartment and/or trailer that they live in. Death threats/attempts are quite common, but due to poor grammar it is unclear the method that was threatened. Also quite common in these circumstances are broken commemorative NASCAR plates and/or Precious Moments ceramic collectables. If both parties are not in jail by the end of the altercation, the heart breaker says something like, “Officer, I love him/her!!! He don’t need to go to jail tonight. It was just a love bite.” These breakups last for years, sometimes lifetimes. There is no reason to offer any sort of guidance to these individuals because they will do whatever they can whenever they can to keep someone as crazy as them around.

Warning signs that you might be nearing a relationship with a potential ‘Crazy’:

                Female Crazy-

·         He/she has to live in a home where everything can be ‘ready to go’ in less than an hour.

·         He/she has more shoes than a normal store should have. Remember in times of struggle shoes make excellent projectile weapons. The number of shoes may also reflect the number of personalities you may experience throughout the course of your relationship.

·         He/she is convinced that the MTV show ‘the Real World’ is actually the real world.

·         He/she is orange. Fake tanning is a sure sign of a crazy. Being ‘tan’ in January is not fooling anyone. What are you trying to hide?

·         He/she does not leave messages when they call, they just keep calling until they get an answer, or their phone dies from flooding your number with texts and calls. When this happens they will borrow a friend’s phone or have said friend call and leave an angry message blaming you for their phone being dead and that they don’t know why you are not answering. When they realize you have been at work all day just like every other day they will become emotional and need a hug. 

Male Crazy-

·         He/she is convinced middle earth is an actual place where small people with hairy feet and wizards live, and they think it would be, ‘hobbit-tastic’ to live in an earth home.

·         His comic book or Star Wars Figurine collection is just waiting for the market to turn around. “We are in a buyer’s market babe!!”

·         Said collection has the most prominent display location in the home.

·         What attracted you to him was the line, ‘Is that a Keg in your back pocket? Because I’m about to tap that…’ take a step back and assess the situation before he even finishes this disgraceful attempt at flattery.

·         The ‘Gym Rat’. Likes the look of himself in the mirror better than looking at the one he is with… oh yeah and flexes in public… a lot.

·         Any guy with more piercings than you… it’s a fact that with each earring, lip ring, and nose ring the male IQ deflates exponentially.

This has been a comical, yet real leap into the world of failed relationships. We have all had them and we all need to know how to deal with them when they inevitably happen. In the event you find yourself in the situation of needing to end a relationship, just remember the first category and keep the break as clean as possible. Good luck!!

it hurts now, tomorrow you'll know why.

Have you ever wished for the ability to erase certain things from your memory? Are there certain periods of time, certain things you have done or seen, or certain people that just change your whole self when you have to rehash certain painful memories? I sure have. From failed love experiences to things I have witnessed that have caused sleepless nights. Just imagine the happy existence that could be molded by eliminating the worst experiences you have had to endure. For as long as there has been hardship there has been someone wishing that they did not have to go through the hardship that life has presented. These hardships however are how we learn, and what shape our existence.

The ability to forget a lost love would be great, and might just make it easier to love again… sooner. In forgetting them however we would forget the lessons that the previous relationship could lend to the success of the next relationship. In my case it has taken a failed love to make a successful love. I have learned that there are things that I am no longer willing to compromise on. Seeing a picture or hearing a certain song that makes you think of them, but what I have learned in moments like that was not to regret no longer being a part of that person, but appreciating what that person did for me so that I may succeed with the person who is truly meant for me. These thoughts are inevitable and will plague you if you let them, or they can be used as a tool for learning what it takes for you to succeed in future relationships.

There may be certain things that someone has seen, or had to endure that cause them hardship. These images, experiences, or trying situations help to form the fabric of ones being. Situations not only shape character but also reveal what people are made of and their resolve to prevail in times that may test their sanity. Due to a job that I held I witnessed a lot of things that I would have never thought about otherwise. A couple instances in particular would cause me to lose a lot of sleep over a good amount of nights. The images of these experiences are still burned in my memory, but the way that I know approach them now is to hope that the situations I was placed in will help me help someone else in a future encounter. It has yet to occur but I will hold out hope that these unpleasant memories that I have will aid someone else in dealing with a trial of their own.

The experiences of our lives shape who we are. Our goal should be to learn from our own past life experiences to make sure that we can maximize damage control the next time, or hopefully prevent a next time from happening. Loves of the past have a purpose… not to haunt us with thoughts of what could have happened but to gives us hope for future relationships. Trying experiences also have a purpose… not to prevent us from a good nights sleep but allowing us to help someone whom we may encounter in the future with a similar personal trouble. The trials of a life and experiences that seem to bring the end of the world are temporary and as long as we do not dwell on the negatives they will strengthen us as individuals and prepare us for the future.